By
Pauline Evanosky
Overcoming Distressful Situations
I have lived with distress before. Sometimes it is of short duration, but more often it is some situation that can last for years.
I have a friend who is now in a situation, not of her own making, but in her work. People just are not behaving fairly. In some cases, they are acting in an almost criminal manner. She feels helpless and takes so much of it to heart. She is sad. She is in despair, and yet, she can’t do anything about it.
I can relate, because I worked in a similar job for many years. And I was just as miserable as she is now.
It took me many years to learn an important lesson. I was not responsible for other people’s conduct. I was only responsible for myself. However, at some point, it became too much for me, and I retired.
I also have to admit that although I say I learned the lesson, that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t pop up again once in a while. Sort of like a quiz.
It’s easy enough to say to just ignore what others do. In my case, I grew up as an Army Brat, and the solution for anything that was distasteful was to just suck it up, and eventually you or whoever was pestering you would move on.
But I am telling you it makes life so much easier when you can take a deep breath and just move forward, attending to your own business. Getting people in trouble because of their malfeasance really doesn’t do anything but make you an enemy.
Try to remember that they are answerable to God or Karma in the long run. Just live your life as you see fit, watch out for your own behavior, and allow the world to move on.
In my case, as I aged, I began to think of what I really wanted to do. I knew that I wanted to write. I didn’t know what I wanted to write about. I didn’t feel I was very good at it. I just knew, as the sun rises every day, that I wanted to be a writer. I also knew that to be a writer, I needed to be a reader. What to read? Anything and everything.
I began with a journal. It was personal stuff that never saw the light of day as far as being publishable material. It was a healing and a growing of Pauline. I knew it was what I needed to do. This, all while I was working under stressful conditions. Somehow, I had figured out that I could not solve anything. I could only do my best, make suggestions that might or might not be accepted. I could only try.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, push yourself to move away from the situation. Take some classes. Learn a new skill. Volunteer your time somewhere that might, eventually, lead to employment somewhere else. But, most importantly, it is to remove yourself from other people’s problems. Because if you don’t, your involvement in other people’s problems will follow you wherever you go.
Another thing to do is to start networking. Decide where you want to go, and the journey will almost unfold like magic. Hunt up people you knew in the past and say hello. Eventually, you can go to them and say, “Hey, I’m looking for work. Have you heard of any job openings?” Print up some business cards for yourself. I do my own ten at a time on a piece of cardstock on my printer. I change the design as I like. In fact, I’ve got two versions in my wallet now. Those cards are for people I meet on the street, and the other cards are for people who might be interested in either lessons on becoming psychic or a psychic reading.
I’m not sure how to describe this other than that a disagreeable person will be a disagreeable person no matter where they go. They will be a pain to family members, to neighbors, and to people in the workplace. Is it their fault? Never. They are disagreeable all on their own. But they don’t see it that way. They see themselves as living upright lives, no matter what they do. You can’t change them. My advice is to distance yourself from them. Is this going to be easy? Never. Especially if they happen to be a family member.
Here is a for instance. You can never, not in a million years, make an alcoholic stop drinking. That alcoholic will have to stop drinking on their own. I know family members who have supported their loved ones' bad and reckless behavior for years. I was there, too. My husband and I are both alcoholics. I know what I am talking about.
Here is something else to consider. Not everybody fights fair. There are lots of people out there who will knife someone in the back, figuratively speaking, to gain an advantage. There is the old standby of gossip and whispering that is effective no matter how old you get.
Perhaps, my idea would be to always have a Plan of sorts. Take a few minutes and think to yourself if there was anything else in the world you’d rather be doing, name it now. I don’t care how outlandish your answer is; it is your answer that is important.
You can’t run from your problems, and running from a job with people in it who are unpleasant to work with is only going to almost guarantee that your next job will be the same. What to learn is how not to let those unpleasant people bother you. Pretend you are a duck, and rain flows off your back easily. Ducks don’t mind. The rain will always be there. Be like a duck.
I have always recommended that people keep their resumes updated. You never know when you are going to need one.
Best of luck to anybody out there living with a bad situation. Just remember, they won’t change. You can’t make them change. You can only change yourself.
Thanks for reading.
Pauline Evanosky from the WooWoo Side of Life
Click on the author's byline for bio and list of other works published by Pencil Stubs Online.
This issue appears in the ezine in the blog www.pencilstubs.net at Google Blogger with the capability of adding comments at the
latter.
Posts
