Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

By Gerard Meister

My constant readers know that I am facetious at times, perhaps overly so one might say. But, that is not always my fault as witness the following scenario:

My wife and I go to our club’s gym a couple/three times a week. Marilyn always drives and holds the gym door open for me so I can safely amble in with my cane. She then swipes our membership card while I mosey on over to the towel rack – a full yard away (which I navigate in about the same time as the current record for the 100 yard dash). Also picking up a towel was one of my tennis buddies from our (senior) doubles league, a league in which I last competed in September, 2009, and the following conversation ensues:

He: “Meister, haven’t seen you in a while, are you still playing?”

Me: Balanced against the counter and leaning on my cane as I try to put a towel under my arm without toppling over, “Well, I only play singles now, that’s why you haven’t seen me.”

He: “Wow, that’s great, where do you play?”

Me: (Understand that I didn’t know the guy that well, so I didn’t know if he was kidding me, or what, so I decided to play along.) “I play at the club in the afternoon,” I explain, knowing that no club member has ever ventured onto the courts after lunch. No one has the time: lunch, shower, afternoon nap and it’s time for the early bird.

He: “Wow, that’s great, when’s your next game?”

Me: Now I’m getting worried, the guy actually thinks I’m serious. I have to think of something to say to shake some sense into this guy. “Uh, it’s sometime Sunday but I’m playing Yitzhak Perlman and he’s flying in from a concert in South Africa, and what with the headwinds I’m not really sure of the time.”

He: “You’ll let me know?”

Me: “What a question,” I say, as I turn and walk away.

Click on Gerard Meister for bio and list of other works published by Pencil Stubs Online.

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