By Diane Lynch
When we fall in love the world seems to stand still at times. Then at other times it feels like someone has pushed the fast forward button. All the excitement of getting to know someone new. All the stories shared; All the emotions, heartaches, and love. Yes, love; Sexual love, physical intimacy, and heart love. There is such a surge of energy that comes with falling in love. Then one day ‘it’ hits us. We’ve felt this before! Oh, we can see where there are some differences, but it’s that FEELING that seems so familiar. Then we think. And remember. And then think some more. And then we start looking for all the similarities to THIS relationship as compared to the ones from the past that just didn’t work out. We not only look for similar physical characteristics, but similar gestures, words, and energy. THAT is when things go wrong. They go wrong you see, not because they are similar, but because we start feeding that FEAR. That fear and hurt that lives inside of us from relationships ‘gone bad.’ And the more energy we put into that FEAR, the more it comes to life. Because you see, energy creates and thoughts are energy. Therefore, when we think something, we give it energy. And the more we think it, the more real it becomes. Even the FEAR.
So, what would happen if we looked at ALL new friendships/relationships (as any interaction between two people is a relationship….for that matter even the interaction we have with self is a relationship) as NEW. Totally unrelated to anything from the past and not assume that because ‘John’ just happened to look at you the same way as that f**ker who left you $3000 in debt and heart broken, he IS NOT that f**ker. He is ‘John’….just John, nothing else…no more…no less. And what would happen if we looked at this as JUST a friendship rather than a new relationship. Cause you see, to me, it seems that if we look at this new relationship as a new friendship then it seems that no matter where this leads (if anywhere) you have a friend. However, if you look at this new relationship in a way that portrays a partner type relationship it seems to me that if it doesn’t work out…you have nothing left. Whereas, if you enter a relationship as friends and then it blossoms into a partner type relationship…well, what a bonus!!! Besides, you’ll have a lot more to talk about after you’ve been together for 50 years.
Now, it seems to me, that if we CHOOSE to fall in love with our friends, as friends…. Well, gosh, imagine all the fun WITHOUT the complications. Talk to him about old girlfriends, without the jealousy. Stop comparing yourself to HIS past relationships, just like you have quit comparing him to yours. LISTEN. And with open ears and heart. HEAR what he says not only with his words, but with his gestures, and with his heart. There is much knowledge you can gain about this new friend, when you ARE a friend. And guess what happens next. You fall in love with a friend. I mean really care about this friend, to where you truly want what’s best for them. You learn to cry with him, laugh with him and do absolutely nothing with him and you feel comfortable. And you take the pressure off of everybody. Yourself included.
Oh, I hear you. Well, what about the sex. Well, what about it? Sure, you can have sex…as friends. Remember, we are keeping this simple not complicating it. The minute you start making demands, like don’t sleep with anyone else, you are trying to control not only the outcome of this friendship, but him. And do YOU like being controlled???…I didn’t think so. And then you think ‘oh, I just can’t stand the thought of him kissing someone else.’ (I know your thinking this, because I have.) Many, many times I have cried myself to sleep wondering if he was snuggled up next to another woman. Touching her, caressing her the way he does with me. Well, what if he is? Do you REALLY think that you moaning about it is the way to stop it? In case you’re really pondering that thought I will tell you, NO it’s not. Would YOU want to be around someone who was constantly trying to control what you did, or thought? And the moaning. For gosh sakes, woman, stop your f'ing whining.
Put your fears away, luv. The more energy you put into it, the more you bring those fears to life. Let him be. Give yourself a break. Enjoy your friend. Learn from him. Teach him. Share with him. Take all the complications out of love, and you WILL smile. I promise. © 04/10/06 Diane Terry Lynch