Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Thinking Out Loud

All the health gurus say that people my age (early eighties) should get out more often. “Do something!” they say, even if it’s only to go shopping. Well okay, but what those young whippersnappers don’t understand is what it takes guys of that certain age to get out of the house. For instance here’s my checklist of things I can’t leave the house without:
    1. My glasses, reading, driving and very dark sun glasses (because my right eye has some nerve damage and can’t cope with bright sunlight).
    2. A peaked cap for my problems with overhead lights (even in the movies I have to wear a cap).
    3. My cane, in case I have to get out of the car to walk a bit.
    4. My cell phone in case of emergencies.
    5. My hearing aid, if I want to hear whoever is calling me.
    6. Bottled water and a snack in case I get stuck somewhere without a 7/11 or a Starbucks nearby. (Okay, so I’m paranoid about this, remember even paranoids have some real enemies.)
    7. My wallet (credit card and driver’s license).
    8. And most importantly, my wife.
But sometimes my better half is busy – a manicure, a bridge game, etc. – and can’t spare the time. Okay, so I go it alone, which doesn’t happen too often, but when it does I usually forget one or more of the following items:
  • A One, two or three pairs of my glasses.
  • B My peaked cap.
  • C My cane.
  • D My cell phone.
  • E My hearing aid.
  • F Bottled water and a nosh
  • G My wallet.
So the last time I went solo my wife asked me when I got back how it went with the shopping (I was supped to go to Wal Mart)? I told her I got to the store all right, but forgot my cane so I decided to come home.
“Why didn’t you call me? I saw that you took your phone with you and I was home early.”
“Yes, I know darling, but I forgot my reading glasses and kept dialing a wrong number.”
“Well, next time you’ll remember to take your reading glasses,” she said, pointedly.
“That’s true, but then I might forget the phone,” I laughed.
“That’s true too, “she said. “What would you like for dinner?”

Click on Gerard Meister for bio and list of other works published by Pencil Stubs Online.

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