Monday, February 1, 2016

Self-Confrontation, Anger, and God’s Grace

   Self-Confrontation: We run away from it because it’s scary. Because we want to believe that we are so much better than everyone around us. We are a selfish, narcissistic people by nature. That’s a consequence of a fallen world. God never wanted us to be this way but it was all changed with one bite of a fruit. And now we have to deal with the repercussions.

   I’ve always prided myself on being compassionate, and caring more for my friends than myself. Mistake number 1. Don’t pride yourself on anything. We’re supposed to be humble. That’s a lot harder than it sounds. Yes, we are supposed to be compassionate and selfless and love the way God loves and see people the way He sees. But if you are bragging, or constantly telling yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong because you have those traits you are just as much in the wrong as anybody else. That’s where I’ve failed. I’ve made myself believe a big lie. I self justify myself. That my anger with other people, the problems I’ve had to deal with are not my fault at all. Because you know how could they be when I’m such a good friend, when I care so much for other people…right? I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.

   So I’ve had to confront my own ego in the past couple of days. My own misgivings. Because I am not a perfect person. I am not a perfect friend. I am not a perfect fiancée. I am the result of a fallen world. That all sounds harsh and I promise I will be a little optimistic at the end of this so just hang with me.

   See up until about 2 days ago, I thought my anger at a friend was extremely justified. This friend has made mistakes. Caused conflict. And on and on and on I went justifying my own anger. BUT, then I changed my tune a little. And I was then angry with God. Yikes. I was angry that there is so much conflict in this world. Everywhere we turn there is conflict and sin and anger. There is depression and anxiety and turmoil. There is chaos and honestly, it’s really hard to see past all that sometimes. So I was angry with God.

   Brick wall.

   Isn’t it ironic that when we start blaming other people and God, that He has a way of turning it all around?

   Enter this quote: “The world doesn’t need any more finger-pointers. It needs more people to honestly point out their own sins, and humbly point up to everyone’s Savior.”

   That hurt, and honestly when I read that quote, I prayed and begged God to remove it from my memory. Because, “God, I know what that quote means. And I really don’t think that’s what I was supposed to read. Where’s the quote or the verse that say’s I am justified in my anger? That I have every right to be mad at someone who has done me wrong?”

   It’s not there. I’ll tell you that right now. It’s not. So don’t go searching for it.

   So I am not angry with my friend, I am not angry with God. Those are just cover-ups for the fact that I am so angry with myself. For making myself believe that lie of self-justification.

   Alright, optimism time!

   We are a selfish people, we are a sinful people. Because we are not perfect. There has only been one perfect man to ever walk this earth. His name is Jesus. Messiah. Emmanuel.

   He gives us grace. Even when we don’t deserve it. The mercies of God won’t ever fail. We can strive to be compassionate, and selfless. God just wants us to show up and try. But even when we fail, He will be there to catch us in His unwavering grace and mercy.

   So I’ve come to realize that sometimes it helps to think that people aren’t being difficult, maybe they are having difficulties and maybe there isn’t a need to show anyone how great we are and how right we are. We only need to point to the One who mends all our brokenness and all our shame and all our anger.

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From Author's Blog "Altogether Beautiful."


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